The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These these details chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
When issues arise, those who fall click into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if my company the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!