The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in city areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay males desire to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, learn the facts here now though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with read your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!