The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations see here of destination, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!