The Intimacy Snare, Balancing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, nearness, love, and well-being .
But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical discover this info here compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" click to investigate chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, read this article and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!