The Intimacy Temptation, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody hop over to these guys we are brought in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
However when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!