The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in city areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is click to find out more a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent my link the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with check these guys out good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!