The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urbane areas, sex is readily available, navigate to this website and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!