The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, excitement, love, nearness, and wellness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical he said intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that many of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) find this with your head. This means integrating chemistry with right here sound judgment. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!