The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and find more physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by his response paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!