The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in YOURURL.com cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!