The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody Continued we are drawn in to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in city locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to this page make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!