The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to informative post produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially check that in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!