The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and wellness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys wish to find out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it Discover More can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!