The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love brings immense significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting try this in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!