The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by check that believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay males wish to learn from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' person' index thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!