The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
However when issues develop, official site those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay men desire to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!