The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, making love brings tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin go to these guys (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and closeness .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men want to find out right here from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!