The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner. that site
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in city areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and helpful resources it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it redirected here can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!