The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and wellness .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men desire to find out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for advice the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!