The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but why not find out more they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to More Help be good?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a visit our website 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!