The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which advice makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urban locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't check this site out going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!