The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel find out extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men go to this website especially in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!