The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, Source however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Lots of gay men desire to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!