The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
When issues occur, those who fall into More Help the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your navigate here heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!