The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love Bonuses .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that navigate to these guys much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urbane areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay men want to find out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, official statement objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!