The Sexuality Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay men desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I think i thought about this this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!