The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is straight from the source essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!